This post won’t be about achievements we traditionally perceive. I have no intentions of showing off, proving myself or craving any admiration. I would like to invite you to my world just as it is at the moment. Raw, vulnerable and real.
After recent death of my parents, my life turned upside down. And I’m not taking about headstand. Unless one stays in the headstand for months because this is exactly how I’m feeling right now.
Everything I was proud of and defined by in the past has disappeared. My vitality, radiance, positive energy, passion for life, divine practice, pure and simple mind, sense of security and support. It’s all gone. Just like my parents are gone. And it hurts, really hurts. Physically, mentally and emotionally!
So when I made the poster “This girl can” I meant:
This girl can get to work after sleepless nights.
This girl can face life even tho there seems to be no point.
This girl can show up beside enormous pain she is in.
This girl can feel sadness, loss, depression, frustration, anger, hopelessness and betrayal sometimes all in one hour.
This girl can walk even tho crawling seems like too much.
But I’ve made friends with grief now. We are getting closer now and understand each other more. I know this grief is simply love that took a different form. Nothing ever disappears, it just changes its form. So my parents haven’t disappear neither, and my vitality, radiance and all the things I’ve mentioned above. They are all there, they just look differently. I need to keep my eyes, ears, mind and all my senses open as they are not the same as they used to be. This situation, yet again, is calling for my awareness, presence, innocence and openness. And this understanding helps me get out of bed as difficult as it is often times.
I’m grateful for sleepless nights for finally I understand insomniacs who come to my classes.
I’m grateful for depression because I forgot what it feels like (that’s what Kundalini Yoga does to you). Now I will be able to have more empathy for people who suffer with depression and help them overcome it.
I’m grateful for grief because grief is love. And as hard as it is at times, I still remember the primal truth “We are love”
This girl can… LOVE